Pines Profile - Gil Neary 1957-2024
A Builder of Community and Culture
By Virun Rampersad, September 2025
Gil Neary’s life was defined by joy, generosity, and unapologetic pride.
A visionary real estate broker and community builder, he helped shape Fire Island Pines into the vibrant haven it is today through his warmth, charisma, and boundless embrace of people. He championed gay life and culture with unashamed exuberance, celebrating every moment to the fullest. There is no doubt, Gil made the world brighter, bolder, and better.
Gil Neary. Photo provided by: Scott Ridel
Born Mark Gil Neary in Queens, New York, in 1957, Gil grew up during an era of sweeping change, with the civil rights movement, the sexual revolution, and the earliest sparks of LGBTQ+ liberation. From early on, he showed a rare talent for connecting with people. It wasn’t just charm, it was his ability to make people feel genuinely valued. His engaging warmth made everyone feel that they had known him for years. It was a trait that would come to define both his personal and professional life.
Gil started his real estate career in 1979 at Bellmarc Rentals. When the 1987 stock market crash cost him his job, he turned the setback into opportunity, founding his own firm, Coleman Neary, with partners Hayden Coleman and Dan Gerstein.
Operating out of Gil’s Chelsea apartment, the firm specifically served LGBTQ+ clients at a time when few in the industry openly did. They advertised in HX Magazine and sponsored Pride floats, becoming not just a real estate company, but a visible part of queer New York. It was a simple and powerful connection to the community he served.
HX Magazine cover. Photo credit unknown.
When Hayden Coleman moved on in the early 1990s, the firm evolved into DG Neary Realty, with Gil as the client-facing powerhouse and Dan handling operations. The company gained a reputation as one of the best boutique real estate firms in the city.
But Gil was about far more than real estate. He was about people and life and living to the fullest without shame or regret. He was immersed in New York’s LGBTQ+ culture, both as a supporter and participant. His connection to HX introduced him to two people who became extremely important parts of his life, its co-creators Marc Berkeley and Matthew Bank. Marc and Matthew had deep involvement in New York’s gay club scene dating back to the 1980s and they formed a deep bond with Gil.
Marc Berkley, Donna Summer and Matthew Bank at GMHC Benefit in 1998
Marc and Matthew promoted gay culture actively and proudly, celebrating its fun, fabulousness, and sexiness on the pages of HX. Over time, Gil got more involved, creating “Bambi Sue,” a tongue-in-cheek persona who dished out advice and commentary with flair and sass. The “Ask Bambi Sue” column became a favorite, blending warmth, wit, and an insider’s take on the ever-evolving gay social scene. Soon HX became a must read for Gay New York and Fire Island, playing a subtle but vital role in restoring joy to the gay community in the years after the worst of the AIDS crisis had passed.
Gil, Matthew and Marc’s relationship would last a lifetime, evolving over time. Indeed, in 2017, when Dan left DG Neary, Gil partnered Matthew to form Bank Neary Real Estate, marrying Gil’s experience with Matthew’s media savvy and cultural insight.
DG Neary was rebranded Bank Neary in 2017. Photo credit unknown.
Gil’s presence in the Gay New York social scene went beyond HX, real estate and the clubs and bars of the day. He was also actively involved in events like Pride, and supported causes like GMHC, Lambda Legal, The Ali Forney Center, and God’s Love We Deliver.
However, as much as Gil loved New York City, he also loved Fire Island Pines.
Sayville Ferry Service’s South Bay Clipper leaving for Fire Island Pines. Photo credit: Sayville Ferry Service.
He first went there in the mid-1980s, during the height of the AIDS epidemic. It was a time of unimaginable loss. As someone living with HIV, Gil carried on with quiet strength and resilience. In the Pines, he found not just a summer retreat, but a place where there was community and a deep sense of belonging. Many of his city friends were there, along with a bevy of new people to meet, something Gil thrived on.
Gil put down roots in the Pines, buying property and becoming deeply woven into its social fabric. Over the years he became a well-known, highly respected and much loved member of the community by simply being his authentic self.
231 Bay, one of Gil’s homes in the Pines. Photo credit unknown.
(L-R): Gil with Hal Hayes; Gil with Marc Berkeley; Gil with Eric Sawyer; Gil with Guy Smith, Robert Montenegro, Jake Shears (of Scissor Sisters) and Seth Apper. Photo credits Hal Hayes and Gil Neary estate.
Whether it was Tea, a party, a dinner, the Pavilion or just a casual drop in, people quickly came to know that with Gil a good time was assured. He was an indulgent host (especially when it came to nudity and sex) and a guest who brought life to the party.
But Gil did more than party in the Pines. He gave back and helped the community grow and prosper. He served on the Fire Island Pines Property Owners Association (FIPPOA) board and helped organize fundraisers like Ascension, Independence, and events supporting GMHC, Callen-Lorde, and other organizations. He was a generous donor and a visible presence at virtually all charitable and community events in the Pines. And through it all he brought a wicked sense of humor wherever he went. He is famously remembered for having a urinal named after him in honor of his contribution to build the new community center, Whyte Hall, following in the footsteps of Jim Pepper who did the same with a toilet. Both understood the was what was important was the giving, not the recognition.
Plaque on urinal in bathroom at Whyte Hall recognizing Gil’s contribution. Photo credit: Virun Rampersad
Gil loved drag and was highly visible at the Annual Invasion of the Pines. Always in elaborate costume with his trademark sense of celebration and meaning, he, along with longtime resident and close friend, Hal Hayes, frequently functioned as judges, rating the invading queens as they exited the ferry.
Invasion Judges in 2016. Photo credit Hal Hayes.
As Matthew Bank noted:
“Gil brought elegance and joy to every Invasion parade. His costumes were unforgettable, and he had a way of making everyone feel like they belonged. He wasn’t just part of the tradition—he helped define it.”
Gil, Alexander Kacala and Hal Hayes in 2024. Photo credit: unknown
Gil’s most well-known event was his birthday party at his house, Reflections, which was perched on the bay near the Pines Harbor. For over 25 years, it marked the unofficial start of summer in the Pines. Everyone was welcome and they came from far and wide — old friends and new faces, and people from every genre imaginable attended. In true Pines style the party was full on, with cocktails, dancing, lighting, party favors, go-go boys and other types of adult entertainers. One year, Bjork, the acclaimed Icelandic singer and songwriter attended and embraced it fully, staying until the wee hours of the morning.
Miscellaneous photos from Gil’s birthday parties at Reflections, which marked the start of summer. Photo credit; Gil Neary Estate.
Despite all the surrounding bacchanalia, Gil remained the consummate host, greeting everyone, making sure they had all they needed for a good time and encouraging them to be as naughty as they wanted. As one attendee said at his Celebration of Life:
“ I first met Gil at one of his legendary birthday parties at Reflections. He welcomed me and everyone else like family, making you feel seen and valued.”
Marc and Matthew were regular attendees and enjoyed the party to its fullest. When Marc tragically died of a heart attack just before the party in 2011, the boys knew what to do. The party went on in celebration of his spirit, just as he would have wanted.
2011 Party Invitation. Photo credit Gil Neary Estate
It’s impossible to fully know Gil without knowing his partner of over 35 years, Scott Riedel. They met in New York through mutual friends, and their relationship grew, based on shared values, community involvement, and a mutual love of the Pines.
Gil and Scott circa 1990. Photo credit: Gil Neary
Together they created homes in New York, Fire Island and later Florida, hosting countless gatherings and supporting causes close to their hearts.
Gil’s life with Scott in New York and Fire Island. Photos courtesy Gil Neary estate.
The “Ask Bambi Sue” column eventually evolved into “Killer and Bambi Sue,” with Scott joining the effort. It was so popular that some people knew them only as Killer and Bambi Sue. They were a well-known couple whose presence on the boardwalks or Harbor brought a smile and often a kiss or hug from passersby.
The breadth and depth of Gil’s impact reflected how fully he engaged life. In many ways he embodied the Nike slogan “Just Do It!”. He was game for almost anything.
Gil and Scott at Six Flags 2009. Photo credit; Six Flags.
That said, Gil was not one for grandstanding. His impact was personal and real, and he cemented his place in the communities he lived by simply being himself. He mentored younger professionals, and created spaces where people felt safe, included, and celebrated. The sheer breadth of his friend network was staggering, and his personal brand was even larger. For a long time, it could be safely said if you didn’t know Gil, you at least knew of him – and if you didn’t, you were living under a rock. If Gil saw you, he said hello. He was a truly genuine person and could make everyone feel seen. It is not surprising that so many people felt he was their best friend.
As one person said at his Celebration of Life in New York City: “Gil didn’t just live in community—he made it feel like family.”
Gil with friends in the Pines. Photo credit Florian Klein
Longtime friend, Hal Hayes, had this to say:
“Gil was the most loving, trusted, sincere and reliable dear friend. A mentor to newbies, he was tolerant of ignorance and bores, but never of bullshit or pretension, which he could deflate with a sharp, funny and knowing quip. He was able to find some beauty and grace in everyone, saw their true selves, forgave their flaws and marveled at their uniqueness with hilarious and insightful comments. He was a great man and a pillar of the community; a role model whose life was his own work of art.”
(L-R): Gil and Hal Hayes at The Invasion; Gil, Daniel Nardicio and Hal Hayes; Panzi, Gil and Hal Hayes; Gil and Hal with unknown visitor in the Pines. Photo courtesy of Hal Hayes.
Whether in Chelsea, the Pines, or Fort Lauderdale, Gil Neary helped shape a culture rooted in joy, care, and mutual respect. His sudden and unexpected passing in a tragic car accident was a body blow to everyone who knew him. In the Pines, many felt they had lost a brother—because in a sense they had. A testament to his importance, FIPPOA issued an announcement immediately upon confirming the news, rather than waiting for the monthly letter as is customary with death notices.
Gil’s Celebration of Life in the Pines was a dance party. Almost the entire community was there. They understood it was what he would have wanted and they showed up for him — and because they knew a Gil event would be a good time.
Gil’s Memorial at Reflections in 2024. Photo credit Virun Rampersad
That said, beyond the Pines, the news was met with shock, grief, and a profound sense of loss. As former Pines and New York City resident Ed May said upon hearing the news in Florida: “It feels like a bright light has suddenly been snuffed out.”
Gil in Fire Island. Photo credit Brian Newman
Today, Gil is remembered with deep love and affection. He was many things to many people—a visionary real estate broker, a generous host, a loving partner, a loyal friend, a trusted business associate, and, for some, a true “partner in crime.” Yet above all, he is remembered for his joy, his love, and his unapologetic embrace of gay life and culture. For Gil, it wasn’t just okay to be gay—it was hell yes!
His legacy endures in the communities he helped to shape and in the radiant example of his life. Even in death, his generosity was extraordinary, bequeathing a house in the Pines to FIPPOA, to serve the community he cherished.
Gil welcomed people in, made them feel seen and heard, and in doing so created a profound sense of engagement and belonging. He lifted people up and encouraged them to find joy wherever they went. Simply put he made people’s lives better. He was indeed one of the Pines’ finest.